Archive of Empowerment Stories
(1995 to 1998)
Dear Ms Quigley,
I thoroughly enjoyed both your books. Being disabled and unable
to carry a gun for the last two years really changed my attitude
toward personal safety. Your books helped make sure I didn't become
prey for someone.
Are any seminars planned in the Olympia (WA) area this year or
next?
Thanks alot. Deb F.
Dear Deb,
thank you for the kind words. We are working on a seminar in your
state for next year and will post its place and date on this website.
Pass the word --- we have room for a few more participants.
Keep safe, Paxton
Dear Miss Quigley,
I too was a victim of street crime --- in the Nation's Capital,
in broad daylight outside the Kennedy Center. No one made an effort
to help me. I'm a man and wasn't raped, but I was sent to a hospital
in bad shape. In any event and in something of a different way,
I did feel violated.
Now I teach martial arts/self-defense in the Washington DC area
(a necessary thing to be sure) and I am trying to expand my program
beyond the physical fighting aspect to create a total concept of
self-defense for everyone. Women often shy away from the martial
arts and that's a mindset I'm having a difficult time overcoming.
I go to great lengths to make everyone feel welcome in my program
and make a conscious effort to screen out the macho nonsense.
How can I structure my program more towards a universal approach
so that more women would feel comfortable in the martial arts environment?
Also, how did you yourself get into this line of work?
I would like to follow in your footsteps and go full-time with
all of this, because I enjoy helping others and because this type
of service is desperately needed in our world.
Thank you very much. --- John (by fax)
Dear John,
thank you for your story of how you learned from a painful experience
and are now sharing your self-defense skills with others. To answer
your question as to how I got into this line of work, follow the
link called "Paxton bio" right on this website.
You also ask how to make women more comfortable in your martial
arts courses. Like you said, "keeping out the macho nonsense"
is a good first step. At my seminars for instance, I accept only
women and couples.
Most men are already trying to convince the women they love
to take a greater interest in their own safety and security, yet
many women are in a state of denial. Women have been socialized
to avoid speaking and thinking of unpleasant things.
On the other hand, deep within their being women are fierce
fighters. The poet Rudyard Kipling says that "...the female
of the species is deadlier than the male." To help women to
call that innate survival toughness to remembrance is a difficult
job even for a female instructor, and as a man you have an even
tougher row to hoe.
But keep at it --- it's a worthy cause!
Paxton
Dear Defenders:
I was recently chased and threatened because I honked (!) at
a person who ran a red light in front of me. He chased me through
the neighborhood to my own backyard where he drove driven his vehicle
onto my lawn. I had to listen to a barrage of threats from this
(obviously) psychotic person. His wife was also in his car and she
joined in - I suspect out of fear of her husband's reaction if she
agreed with me.
I think that these attackers lash out at their victims due to lack
of control in their own lives. My honk was probably perceived by
the attacker as an attempt to control behavior, who then reacted
in a criminal, threatening way. Hopefully, society will wake up
to the fact that this type of behavior is unacceptable at ANY age.
This sort of incident has happened to me before. Since I do not
believe in violence, I feel pepper spray would be a useful deterrent
to potential violent acts against me, without causing lasting injury
to the attacker.
Thanks. Signed Eric (by e-mail)
Dear Eric,
you could drown if, instead of swimming, you tried to write a book
about how wet the water is. Society is going to hell in a handbasket
- no need to go along for the ride. The guy is punished enough just
by being him. Let it go but learn from the incident.
You got yourself into danger two ways, at the start and again
at the end of the incident. At the start you forgot your "bushman's
manners." C.G. Jung coined the phrase, referring to how bushmen
behave when they suddenly meet a lion, or a group of bushman strangers.
They stop, keep their distance, put their spears on the ground and
stand still. When you're minding your bushmen's manners you too
will be keeing your distance and avoiding any sign that might be
taken for aggression or hostility. You even say this has happened
to you before. But we don't live in the jungle, you say? Have you
looked lately?
At the end of the incident the guy (with his car) was on your
lawn. He threatened you, maybe he even laid hands on you, but you
were in no way empowered to defend yourself. You had no pepper spray,
no other options either. You felt powerless because you WERE powerless.
You would have had more options (and you would certainly feel better)
if you had the luxury of a decision whether to use pepper spray
or not.
How would you make the decision? You should use pepper spray
only if you cannot avoid it (have your back to the wall) and only
at a point where he is threatening you physically, and not just
with his words. Your use of pepper spray must be your response to
HIS assault --- and not YOUR assault.
If you've used pepper spray, and especially if you've walked
away the victor, immediately report the incident to the police.
Why? Because YOU want to be the COMPLAINANT. Why? Because there
is always the impression that the complainant is the "good
guy" and the defendant the "bad guy." If you don't
report the incident to the police, the other party might beat you
to it. What story do you think he'll tell them? "This madman
brutally dragged me from my car and sprayed me in the face etc.
etc." Witnesses may have seen the two of you having a confrontation.
He doubled over --- you walked away. How do you think their testimony
will make you look?
Signed The Defenders
Dear Defenders:
I want to get pepper spray or mace which comes out in a stream,
not a spray. All I've found is the spray.
Also I want to get some type of telescopic (retractable) club, which
could be carried in a pocket but would extend long enough to use
like a bat to defend oneself. Help would be appreciated.
Signed Stefan (by e-mail)
Dear Stefan,
we don't recommend a bat, club or similar stick weapon for self-defense
against predators who dodge knives before breakfast. These guys
are in daily training and in peak form (*). You and I are not. They
handle confrontations and adrenaline rushes without freezing and
without panic. You and I don't. Our only advantage is that we are
(supposed to be) smarter. This is not the Olympics or any other
fair fight. This is a war and you want to make sure you have an
UNFAIR advantage. I don't like to set myself up for fights I may
not win. Here's what I do: On the street I carry pepper spray in
disguised form (our Hidden Edge). Because it's disguised (and the
word has still NOT gotten out) a predator doesn't know what it means
when I offer him "my cellular phone" --- and let him have
it up-close and personal. And yes, I have used it once.
But maybe you were thinking of carrying your baton VISIBLY,
the way women carry their keys on a mini-baton as a symbol of vigilance.
As a guy, however, you have the problem that this will be seen as
a challenge --- or rather an invitation to all comers "to find
out how tough you are." By the way, this is also the consensus
of our trainers and cop friends.
About the shape of the spray jet --- excellent thinking! You
want a "coherent stream" that's easy to aim and safe to
spray, not a "fog cone" that may blow back on you. All
out sprays emit coherent streams about as thick as a coat hanger.
Only the stream in our new 4-in-1 D-Fenz flashlight unit is slightly
wider because it's designed for close-up self-defense in tight quarters
such as car interiors.
Best regards from the Defenders
(*) ---- Peak forms yes, but not with guns. You won't find street
criminals and gang members practicing at your local target range.
I'm told that's why they are lousy shots --- a fact that's neither
here nor there, and nothing to derive any comfort from.
PS ---- Mace, by the way, is not a substance but a brand name.
Based in Bennington, Vermont, the people at the Mace company make
all kinds of sprays, pepper, tear gas, combos and foams. We recommend
and distribute their products because their ethics and their QC
measure up to our standards.
Dear Miss Quigley,
I have just read your book Not an Easy Target and would like
to congratulate you on a succinct guide to women's self-defence.
I have been an instructor of women's self-defence for many years.
Born and raised in England, I emigrated to Western Australia with
my family as an adolescent in the 1960s. In those days the capital
Perth was an old-fashioned country town --- doors and windows were
left unlocked even in the owners absence. In the last 30 years,
though, the level of violent crime has increased out of proportion
to the increase in urban sprawl, making Perth the most violent city
for its size in Australia.
One evening I accompanied my brother to his Tae Kwon Do class because
I had nothing better to do. I quickly became an addict, achieving
the black belt in 1966, and returned to England to serve in the
Special Services Commando. In England I became aware of the rising
number of violent attacks on women and started offering self-defence
classes at nominal fees. I continued my classes in Western Australia
at schools and universities, campaigning to enable women to work
and socialize without fear of physical injury or degradation. The
general lack of interest was disillusioning - partly due to the
Australian attitude of "It'll never happen to me."
Since that time I have completed training courses for close personal
protection (bodyguarding), and I am a Security Agent. I have resumed
teaching self-defence part-time to individual women and pairs of
women. I have taught my wife and daughters how to defend themselves
while hoping they'll never have to use this knowledge.
I totally agree with your adage that "no woman is safe."
It is a sad indictment of our society that this should be so. Once
again I congratulate you on the book and wish you continued success
in your mission.
Best wishes --- John (by fax)
Dear John,
thank you for your encouraging words about our anti-crime work as
you carry on with yours. I assure you the attitude "It'll never
happen to me!" is not exclusively Australian but is a world-wide
foolishness. It probably stems from the fact that too many women
(as well as men) have been taught to avoid speaking and thinking
of unpleasant things.
Later on, when they find out that "yes, it did happen to
me," they learn from their mistake and become our students.
Maybe they have to become victims first before deciding they don't
have to be.
Only a select few seem to be smart enough to learn from the
mistakes of others. They think it through, they empower and equip
themselves, and as a result they are prepared to face a violent
confrontation (that may or may not come).
What's more, the knowledge of having prepared themselves will
put a spring in their step and a glint in their eyes. We don't call
it empowerment for nothing!
Paxton
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